Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize