Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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