he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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