Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
