I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
