The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
