the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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