My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
