We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
