Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
