Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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