Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
