my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize