maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
