You smell like a Billy Joel song
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize