I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
