I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
