After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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