around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
