guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
