i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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