She said her name was "party"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize