I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
