remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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