The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
soo... how was my night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize