Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize