found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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