I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
