so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
