Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
