I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
