and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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