I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
