don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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