he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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