the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
