3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
