I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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