I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
