Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
