do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
