You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
