The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
