Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
