I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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