what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
