My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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