Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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