The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
