I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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