i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
