haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
