Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
