I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize