Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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