it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
