return my video game
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
