i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
