Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
