Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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