This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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