new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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