ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
