I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
