smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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