How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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