dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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