dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Actions speak louder than pants.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this is an emotional support booty call
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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