so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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