Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
