That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
