it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize