When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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