Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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