She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
