im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
