My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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