hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
