Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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