I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
