Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
