the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
