Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
