Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
