Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
