If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
