I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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