Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
