Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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