those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
