Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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