I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
