I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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