I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
