you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
