i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize